P.S. I can't hear my feet
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
