Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
