I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
