She's JV to your varsity
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Come back. Shots need mouths.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
