??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
