If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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