Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
