Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
why is half of my head shaved?
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