he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
