If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
