that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
