you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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