I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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