peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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