after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
