i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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