He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
