Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
