i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
