I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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