Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
