He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
