im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
