Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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