I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
