I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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