I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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