Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
