I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
