sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dear god my vagina.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
