I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The air taste purple.
Randomize
