Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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