So drunk its hurt
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
her facebook's as public as her vagina
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
