There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
