nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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