Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
