Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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