Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
