his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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