If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
