god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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