Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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