laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
