needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
