You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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