We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i've created a new STD.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
