my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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