Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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