I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
