I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
