very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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