Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So many bounce houses so little time
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
that may or may not have been my penis.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
